The Point is saturated. There is only so much inane political 'commentary' than any reasonable being can take. Sure, 'kill for Zuma' was shocking and much that followed was entertaining?

But if I see the M-word in another headline this week I suspect that my brain will either explode in frustration or implode trying to fathom how the chubby-cheeked- one manages to tie his shoelaces.

Unfortunately, this leaves me with a bit of a dilemma because ? let's face it ? when it comes to quotes from the week, it doesn't get much better than the Grand Hero of the Opposition.

So, as a compromise and in the interests of national sanity, I have decided to refrain from using the J-word or the M-word or the JM-word combination. I may become desperate. I may have to use substitute words. I may experience spontaneous combustion. I may quit my job as a writer and become a politician?

HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED

The most popular kid in the ANC's playgroup does not play well with others. This week he stole Fikile Mbalula's rattle, shoved Khume Ramulifho into the bushes and randomly picked words out of the dictionary ("racist, colonialist and imperialist") and flung them at Helen Zille.

Everyone ignored him.

Okay?so they didn't, but that really is the best way to deal with a petulant child. Instead, they strung together a whole bunch of scathing words that the ANC's vessel for militancy in all likelihood doesn?t actually understand.

"In using the perversely racist term 'garden boy' in reference to me, Mumbojumbo (substitute word) has also once again shown himself to be a petty little man who is unable to engage in meaningful debate, and capable only of resorting to the basest form of gutter politics to make his point," said the enraged Khume Ramulifho before challenging the former child soldier to a mental duel.

A peeved Joe Seremane (yes, he whose "role is to smile at the Madam (Helen Zille) every time") said: "You have no manners and you're badly brought up. You are just like a snake who doesn't see who is an elder. Manners make a man, boy,"

And you learn something new everyday: snakes (and perhaps all reptiles, who knows?) have an age hierarchy.

Even the president?of the country?felt it necessary to rein in ANC's psychological offspring. Kgalema Motlanthe ? who is, at times, veering dangerously close to his own M-word territory ? offered this mild rebuke.

"The role of the ANC is to take the youth by the ear and turn them around? We must always bring Joy-of-our-lives (substitute word) into line, all the time. Each time he says anything wrong we must pull him by the ear and bring him into line. The ANC never gives up on anyone."

Ah, yes. Well, I can see that has been working remarkably well. Pity the line is so very crooked.

CAMPAIGN SHENANIGANS

Eight weeks to go and campaign nastiness is heating up nicely. Moving on from last week's jibes about Helen's age-defying treatments, the ANC has now followed the lead of its public spokesperson by comparing the mayor to ? horror of horrors ? the apartheid regime.

Where to from here guys? There are still eight weeks to go and you've already played your best card? It's all about a game plan!

"I don't think we should play games because an election is coming. We know it's a DA strategy, when (the DA) doesn't have anything, make them (the ANC) look corrupt," said Paul Mashatile.

Erm?I suspect the ANC has that one covered all on its own.

"When we say Zille represents?the apartheid system, we mean this. When they can't defeat them they arrest them and lock them up," said the articulate one.

The DA has the power to arrest people and lock them up? I can think of a few suggestions?

Alan Boesak ? yes, he who followed the crooked ANC line ? had his own little Biblical jibe for the party that "never gives up on anybody".

"There's a portion in the Bible where Jesus talks about people who are so hopelessly out of it that even an angel from heaven will not be able, he says, to convince them to do the right thing.

"I used that analogy to say that the ANC has so thoroughly, thoroughly lost the trust of the people in the Western Cape, that I did not think that even an angel from heaven would be able to reverse that situation."

Luckily for the ANC, Boesak probably knows about as much about the actions and motives of angels as overzealous students at UCT know about fundamental Christians.

FIGHT BULLETS WITH BALLOTS

Another political figure keen on referencing the Bible, Jacob Zuma needs to have a little chat with his protege about his views on the justice system.

He of an impeccable record desires: "An efficient and transformed criminal justice system to enhance crime fighting capacity and improve co-ordination among the police, judiciary and correctional services."

Chances are, this probably isn't what he had in mind?

"Leave Zuma to the voters to punish him. If he is so corrupt and he must be punished, let the voters do that. Why do you want to subject him to the hands of the few, the judiciary, the judges and the media? Leave it to the voters, 23 million must decide whether Zuma becomes president or not, not the judges."

Then again, perhaps it was.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"ANC was built on truth and it lives by the truth" ? Motlanthe.

Priceless.

The Point is pretty chuffed about making it all the way through this week's column without mentioning Malema (damn!). Do you think it's time to boycott the chubby-cheeked-one, or is mocking him just far too much fun?