Four pretty big names are engaged in the hotly-contested battle for the position of Premier of the Western Cape.

Besides the fact that they all wear glasses, what do the contenders have in common and how do they differ?

How does Helen Zille fare on the corruption scale? How many times has Allan Boesak been arrested? What did Patricia de Lille do for cash before she became a politician? What does Lynne Brown do with her spare time?

We take a somewhat tongue-in-cheek look at each of the candidates…

Helen Zille (Democratic Alliance)

Nickname: 'Godzille', kindly bestowed upon her by the ruling party.

Previous profession: Political journalist — Famously exposed the cover-up of anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko's death in police custody in the Rand Daily Mail way back in the 1970s.

Hobbies: Botox treatments; thinking up clever examples of alliteration (as in "closed crony circle"); performing 'Umshini wami' renditions at the DA Christmas party (for real).

Education level: Bachelor of Arts — University of the Witwatersrand.

Published works: Building an African Icon, 2003

Latest hairstyle: A sleek number, apparently courtesy of the fun folks at 'Absolut Hair' in Vredehoek.

Major awards: World Mayor Award 2008, Newsmaker of the Year for 2006.

Arrests: 1980s — for being in a 'group area' without a permit; 2007 — for attending a legal march against drug lords on the Cape Flats.

Marital status: Still hitched to Prof Johann Maree, since 1982.

Corruption scale: Squeaky-clean record.

Random fact: Zille was the subject of an unusual portrait in 2008 — an Australian artist dubbed 'Pricasso' immortalised the Cape Town Mayor with a painting created using no paintbrush. Instead, the 'tool' of choice was his, er, manhood.

Classic quote: "If [ANCYL president Julius] Malema hands out insults, he must be prepared to take a klap back."

Allan Boesak (Congress of the People)

Nickname: Unknown, but we'll go with 'The Reverend'

Previous profession: Theologian — Boesak was elected president of the World Alliance of Reformed Churches in 1982.

Hobbies: Pleading for presidential pardons (bet Helen will appreciate the alliteration in that one); counting cash (there it is again!); inadvertently spitting on those in the front row during rousing speeches.

Education level: PhD — Doctor of Philosophy, New York

Published works: At least six books (the first in 1976), with another reportedly in the pipeline.

Latest hairstyle: Same as always, although maybe a touch shorter and slightly greyer.

Major awards: None

Arrests: 2000 (the year, not the number of arrests) — found guilty of fraud after apparently transferring money meant for development projects of his Foundation for Peace and Justice to his private trust fund.

Marital status: Married to Elna, since 1991. In 1969, Boesak married Dorothy Rose Martin, before divorcing her after his affair with Elna was exposed.

Corruption scale: Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

Random fact: Boesak is said to have penned a 'tell-all' book (Running with Horses: Reflections of an Accidental Politician…. phew, that's a mouthful!), which refers to the infamous 'misappropriated funds' and is to be published in the very near future. In it, he "explains exactly where the money went, what it was spent on and names key people who received the money". Riveting it will certainly be.

Classic quote: (after his move from the ruling party to Cope, of course) "The ANC has so thoroughly, thoroughly lost the trust of the people in the Western Cape that I did not think that even an angel from heaven would be able to reverse that situation."

Patricia de Lille (Independent Democrats)

Nickname: Unknown, but 'Tattletale Pat' works for us.

Previous profession: Laboratory technician — Worked for Plascon Paints in Epping for some 16 years.

Hobbies: Reading, listening to music, dancing, blowing large whistles, playing golf and watching 'Zola 7' (back when it was on air)

Education level: Matric; Diploma in industrial relations

Published works: Patricia De Lille: My Life, 2002 (co-written by Smith Charlene)

Latest hairstyle: Not as unkempt as it once was but at least its nothing like her Steven Pienaar-style braids, which will remain forever imprinted on the minds of millions (okay, perhaps just hundreds in the ID's case).

Major awards: Voted 22nd on the 'Top 100 Great South Africans' list; placed in 'Top 5 Women in Government' in 2004; received 'South African Leadership Award in the Category of Woman Leadership' in 2004; recognised as an Honorary Colonel in the South African National Defence Force in 2006.

Arrests: No known incarcerations.

Marital status: Married to Mr. De Lille ("I am not my husband's PA," Tattletale Pat once bellowed at Women's Day rally)

Corruption scale: Pretty clean (and I'm sure she will keep reminding us of her role as the 'Arms Deal whisperer').

Random fact: The DA's Gareth van Onselen has challenged De Lille to accept a R10 000 bet that she will get less than 500 000 votes on the national ballot in the 2009 election. So far, she doesn't seem to have taken the bait.

Classic quote: "It is not going to be a beauty contest between me and Helen Zille and Allan Boesak," De Lille said in reference to the battle for the Western Cape (here's hoping Lynne Brown didn't take too much offence after her omission from this list).

Lynne Brown (African National Congress)

Nickname: We think a simple 'Teach' (see below) would suffice.

Previous profession: Teacher — Worked in Beaufort West, Salt River and Mitchell's Plain.

Hobbies: Playing golf (hmm… a bit of a pattern here), reading and "an admiration of arts and culture".

Education level: Certificate in Gender and Development Planning Methodology — University College, London; Certificate in Adult and Continuing Education — University of the Western Cape.

Published works: No known books.

Latest hairstyle: A curly mullet… sort of.

Major awards: Woman Of The Year Award (from the Advice Bureau for Teachers in South Africa).

Arrests: No known incarcerations (SAPS wouldn't stand a chance anyway)

Marital status: Supposedly unattached. Brown reportedly ended a long relationship (she prefers to call it a "friendship") with then-life-partner Soraya Beukes (that's right, another woman), one of the accused in the parliamentary Travelgate fraud saga, in 2004.

Corruption scale: Perhaps strengthened by the fact that she was 'dating' someone (the delightful Ms. Beukes) who appeared to be swimming in the deep end of the corruption pool, but then broke it off.

Random fact: Lyn (not to be confused with "Lynne") Brown is a British politician who is currently the Labour Member of Parliament for West Ham (admittedly not earth-shattering, but we covered the juicy stuff under 'marital status').

Classic quote: "I suppose the fact that the ANC has placed this honour on me means I can do the work," Brown said when taking over from Ebrahim Rasool as Western Cape premier in 2008. Talk about believing in yourself…

Who would you prefer to 'lead' the Western Cape? Post your comments below...
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