As a voter you should go through all the party manifestos before making an informed decision about which party best suits your needs… but that would be so boring! Besides, who really has the time?

We bring you all you need to know: the good, the bad and what your vote's going to get you in the upcoming elections.

Comrades' ANC

Our legendary comrades are promising a better life for all with Msholozi sitting in the driving seat of our beloved country.

The good

  • Leader who can get down

  • Get out of jail free cards

  • Comrades for life

  • Trevor Manuel, Barbara Hogan

    • The bad

  • Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, Tony Yengeni, Carl Niehaus, Shaiks

  • Julius Malema

  • Alliance partners

  • Beetroot policies

    • Voting for the ANC will get you: a better life, which entails a tender, a flexible understanding of the law, membership to the richest church in South Africa and, yes, a Cabinet seat may come in handy.

    The saviour, the Democratic Alliance

    The DA stands for a "prosperous open opportunity society in which every person is free". Of course, you've heard that before — only about 100 times in the past month.

    The good

  • World Mayor who speaks IsiXhosa

  • A bit of Obama in their logo

  • Extra cash in the coffers

  • Web-savvy politicians

    • The not-so-good

  • Wrinkle (and expression) free leadership

  • Opposition, opposition, opposition

  • Only 12.37 percent

  • A melanin deficit (which will cost them votes)

    • Voting for the DA will guarantee you a guilt-free trip to the plastic surgeon, savings of R1m per month on Zuma's security and well… let's just say it… a full-time job criticising the ANC.

    The General (UDM)

    The UDM is all about Bantu Holomisa. Sure, they probably have policies, but who knows? Or, for that matter, who cares?

    The good

  • Entertaining outbursts from Bantu

  • Exposing corruption within the ANC

  • Bantu sticks to his guns

  • Some more stuff about the ANC

    • The bad

  • What have they done in the past ten years?

  • Do you even know what UDM stands for?

  • Bantu's dodgy Transkei rule

  • Too much about Bantu and the ANC

    • Voting for the UDM will get you Bantu. Just more of him.

    The Biblical ACDP

    Zuma's been to church, but the ACDP got there first. Yip, Rev. Kenneth Meshoe is all about preaching politics…

    The godly ACDP

  • Rejected election funding

  • Against promiscuity

  • Against polygamy

  • Promises to bring back morality

    • The not-so-godly

  • Rejects pregnant girls

  • They are called the African Christian Democratic Party

  • A little too keen on the death penalty

  • Pulpit politics

    • Voting for the ACPD will lead to a better South Africa… unless, of course, you are gay, lesbian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, follow traditional culture or are faced with an unwanted pregnancy.

    The veteran IFP

    The IFP has Prince Mangosuthu Buthelezi and KwaZulu-Natal. No... wait... scratch that. They lost KwaZulu-Natal in the last elections.

    The good

  • Vocal about HIV/Aids

  • Standing up for the Dalai Lama

  • Promoting gender equality

  • Priceless quotes from Buthelezi

    • The bad

  • KZN violence

  • Cult of Buthelezi

  • Losing the Zulu vote

  • Youth leader a fraudster

    • Voting for the IFP will help… I'm still thinking about it.

    The new kid on the block: Cope

    Are they coping? Well, they'd like us to believe that they are, but their marketing strategy says otherwise…

    The good

  • Threatens the ANC's two-thirds majority

  • A party of the new South Africa

  • Mvume Dandala

  • Shikota

    • The bad

  • Allan Boesak

  • ANC lite

  • Defection of ANC defectors

  • No funds

    • Voting for Cope will cost your position in government. Vote Cope and lose everything that was given to you by the current government. If you are not in government then you will learn to cope, yes, cope.

    Arms deal… oops… the ID

    Patricia De Lille is serious about fighting corruption so it's no wonder that every time she opens her mouth, she utters the arms deal. Move on De Lille, look for something else.

    The good

  • Patricia de Lille

  • Patricia de Lille

  • Patricia de Lille

  • Uhm… Patricia de Lille?

    • The bad

  • Patricia on the arms deal

  • Patricia on the arms deal

  • Patricia on the arms deal

  • Patricia on the arms deal

    • Voting for the ID will get you a whistle and a cool ringtone.

    The Freedom Front Plus

    The FF+ is all about freedom. More particularly, all about freedom for those speaking Afrikaans…

    The good

  • Looking out for minority rights

  • An entertaining youth league

  • Looking out for the Springboks

  • Providing some competition for Cosatu

    • The bad

  • It's all about Afrikaners, really

  • It didn't work the last time

  • Not likely to secure the majority vote

  • They felt the need to add a 'plus' to their name

    • Vote FF+ and get more sokkie treffers and Pieter Mulder!

    Welcome to Pollywood! Make the right choice and vote for your favourite entertainers.

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