Please note that this is satire and should not be taken seriously. All quotes and quoted persons are entirely fictitious.

South African President Jacob Zuma has reportedly fathered his 21st child - and in the process produced the first documented case of intergalactic offspring in the short history of the universe.

Zuma is said to have first laid eyes on Maykmeyor Sixthwyf of the Planet Zeeman while testing the prototype of the Square Kilometre Array (SKA) radio telescope. In a moment of long-distance voyeurism, Zuma reportedly spotted Sixthwyf getting undressed a handful of light years away.

Zuma's recently-appointed intergalactic spokesperson, Kuverup Uranus, says reports of the pitter-patter of little green feet at the Nkandla homestead are premature, to say the least.

"The gestation period of Zeemanians [inhabitants of Planet Zeeman] is somewhere around seventeen years. Even if President Zuma failed to keep his 'telescope' in its case, which of course we are not admitting is what happened, DNA tests will only be available sometime in 2027," said Uranus, clutching a frayed copy of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus'.

"Until then, this is mere intergalactic speculation fuelled, no doubt, by opposition earthlings. We still subscribe to the policy of 'one president, three (human) wives (at a time)'. For now."

Scientists are keen to learn more about Zuma's alleged 'big bang' moment with the curvaceous alien in question.

Head researcher of The Institute of Extraterrestrial Relations' Leaders In Martian Procreation (Limp) department, Tiny Greenman, sees this as an opportunity to learn more about the previously shy Zeemanians.

"We know very little about these particular space beings and obviously even less about their breeding habits. How compatible are Zeemanian genes with human genes? At the moment, we're not sure if the child will have Zuma's ears or Sixthwyf's eye. It's a lottery, really.

"But the biggest question in my mind right now, scientifically speaking, is whether Sixthwyf was offered post-coital taxi-fare. I mean, Planet Zeeman is not exactly around the corner, is it?" said Limp's Greenman.

Meanwhile, a source close to the president insists rumours that a certain Eugene De Kock introduced Zuma to Sixthwyf in an online chat-room are entirely false.

"De Kock deserves a pardon on this one. It's not De Kock's fault. It's the man behind De Kock who is to blame. De Kock should not be held... accountable," she said on condition of anonymity.

Join our Facebook fan page Follow us on Twitter


RSS
Digg
de.li.cious
facebook
Police Academy # 157 Bheki Cele Bheki Cele's not kissing criminals; Nathi Mthethwa isn't buddies with criminals; and Winnie's...
Can evil be pardoned? Eugene de Kock Rebekah Kendal takes a closer look at Eugene de Kock - the man dubbed Prime Evil.
Toeing the party line Nathi Mthethwa Nathi Mthethwa's costly Police Day celebration has Ryan Bubear turning blue in the face.