I'm all for gender parity, but I think JZ's taking this whole gender quota system a little far. Wait, wait, before you get your knickers (er… make that underpants) in a twist, check out these male to female ratios.

Parliament: 220 to 180
Premiers: 4 to 5
Zuma's inaugural party: 1 to 3

And I'm not so sure we can even call our soon-to-be-president a man. There have been whisperings of a messiah or a natural phenomenon. Yes folks, the second coming of the tsunami is nigh.

But back to the matter at hand: Msholozi's ladies. Wives Sizakele (MaKhumalo) and Nompumelelo (MaNtuli) were pretty much a given, but the inclusion of girlfriend Thobeka Mabhija spices things up nicely. Which really just leaves us with one question: what about Winnie?

Yip, the once-almost-a-first-lady seems to have her eyes firmly on Msholozi. Erm… okay… make that lips. Twice. In what could be described by some as a passionate (if not clawing) embrace.

But… ahem…The Point is not one to dabble in gossip-mongering.

THE LADIES' MAN

Now that Zuma has been formally elected president, his already rather robust security has been beefed up considerably.

"There was a lot of hatred of Jacob Zuma before the election — there were sour grapes," said Zwelinzima Vavi. "There was evidence that people were manipulating government institutions for personal gain… we were en-route to a banana republic."

Hmm… I'm pretty sure that I've also heard some 'counter-revolutionaries' uttering the words 'banana republic'. Albeit in a different, but nevertheless related, context.

Vavi continued: "As you can see through the election victory, people can see he is not a monster because through him, the people see themselves."

One of those who clearly sees herself through Zuma, is Winnie Madikizela- Mandela (no snickering, please).

"Many names and descriptions have been used to characterise him and the bookshelves have not witnessed the last of perspectives about him. I would simply say that he is a capable leader that epitomises our continued and resilient struggle against the worst that humanity has to offer, and the hope that we as a nation shall triumph against all odds because of the best that collectively we can offer."

Okay, okay… I can't contain myself. Snicker, snicker.

"I stand before this house and the nation overwhelmed by the responsibility that is being thrust upon my shoulders," said the newly-elected Zuma. "I am truly humbled by the opportunity to serve as the fourth president of the Republic of South Africa."

Thrust. Probably not the word I would have used…

THE BEST WE CAN OFFER

So, on to Winnie's promise of the best that collectively we can offer. As the new MPs were casting their votes for the president, those on the ANC benches made gnarling sounds and catlike 'meows' whenever Cope members cast their votes.

Seriously. Grown men and women decked out in designer garb. Apparently the best that our nation has to offer.

When an opposition MP complained to Chief Justice Pius Langa, he admitted: "The language you (those imitating domestic animals) use here is strange to me."

ANC chief whip Mathole Motshekga had the maturity to accede: "We agree that the language used is unparliamentary".

Synonyms for unparliamentary: childish, juvenile, immature, unbefitting and inappropriate.

But fear not, things will improve. How do I know this? Because Gwede Mantashe told us so. Yip folks, the new Parliament is going to be all about accountability.

"We must be more deep and scientific (in our monitoring). That is something we are going to take quite seriously."

Msholozi's close friend (yes, she of the puckering lips) was also adamant about the new and improved Parliament: "The age of talking is past, we have to deliver and that's the only reason why I came back here".

Sure… we believe you. No, really, we do.

THAT OTHER LADY

Slightly less charmed by Zuma's Casanova ways is the new premier of the Western Cape.

"We are certainly not going to go into an alliance or a coalition of any kind with the ANC. But that doesn't mean to say we will not govern for all the people."

All the people — with the exception maybe of this guy (who has already proved himself to be completely ungovernable).

"She (Zille), the racist little girl, must remember that Zuma is her boss," said Julius Malema. "Helen Zille must report to Zuma about the Western Cape… the racist girl has not won… all of them must call 'President Zuma', President."

And, just in case you were beginning to conclude that Zille's botox treatments were really working, a conflicting age-related comment was issued by the Western Cape ANC.

"The truth is, as an old journalist, Zille knows better than to let the truth get in the way of a good story. The challenge for Zille is not to carp, not to whinge, not to fly false flags, but to govern."

Remind me, what was it that Winnie so proudly promised? Ah yes, "we as a nation shall triumph against all odds because of the best that collectively we can offer".

If this is it, we're screwed. Banana republic screwed.

Is The Point a little too obsessed with Winnie's love life? Share your thoughts below…

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