The Point feels cheated. And we're not talking the sneaky substitution of 330ml cans of coke for those old 340ml cans here...

Oh no, we're talking the horror of Christmas morning when you open all your prezzies and discover that instead of a much-anticipated ipod, your dearly beloved has given you a small box of homemade potpourri.

The ipod: Mail&Guardian article full of juicy Hlophe tidbits.
The potpourri: Hlophe's denial.

Basically, this week's column was going to be an ode to Hlophe, celebrating his finesse with the faux pas, his fanatical preoccupation with melatonin, and his creative use of the English language.

Now (being a journalist of some — albeit a small amount — integrity), all I can offer is this: "it dazed my head with shock, as it makes me a careless Zulu".

So... on to stuff that people did actually say. Well, for now at any rate.

THE WAR ROOM

I am waiting for the DA to announce a collaboration with the CIA. Yip, bored with simply exposing corruption within our borders (or perhaps our borders are that porous) our intrepid opposition has taken on the task of investigating international shenanigans too.

"I think there is no doubt Mugabe is preparing for war. We spoke to very, very reliable sources," said the DA's Kenneth Mubu.

No doubt? Not even a smidgen? Hmm... where have we heard something like this before? Ah yes... George W. Bush, weapons of mass destruction, axis of evil... you get the picture.

That being said, the DA probably has a point when it says:

"We should not be arming Robert Mugabe's Zanu-PF war machine because it will not be long before state-of-the-art ammunition produced in our country will be used to fire on innocent people in Zimbabwe."

Yes... and, as a general principle, arming the mad-dictator-next-door is probably not a very prudent move.

And yet, the ANC argues that it is the DA which poses a threat to national security. Yip folks, after the DA leaked a report which claimed that South Africa is selling weapons to the world's favourite dictators, the ANC came back with this:

"Parliament has a responsibility to conduct an investigation into this matter and take appropriate action where necessary, lest we become a lawless state where even MPs, our country's lawmakers, can willy-nilly play political football with sensitive information without due regard to the security of the country."

This, from a party whose president wriggled out of court using information which was (how shall we put it?) unorthodoxly obtained.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Mugabe may be stockpiling weapons, but the DA's Johan Visser has come pretty damn close to declaring war. Or at least a spousal fracas.

On Women's Day, DA leader Helen Zille sent out the following message to the nation: "We've had enough of the mantra of women's liberation. We now want the reality."

Clearly, Mr Visser did not get the memo. That, or he couldn't hear Zille shouting from the kitchen.

"Women, on the other hand, are supposed to give birth and therefore cannot do the physical things males can do. They are supposed to create a home for the children and look after them."

In other news: the world is flat, the size of your forehead is directly proportional to your intelligence, and Mars is full of smooth-headed, bug-eyed aliens.

SHAIK WATCH: 163 DAYS

If you didn't believe in medical miracles at the start of this year, you must, surely, by now. Not only has Mr Shaik made it this far, he seems to be improving!

"He looked perfectly healthy. I was really shocked," said DA councilor Dean McPherson after filming Schabir Shaik driving around in his BMW.

Shocked. Really? I can't imagine why.

Let's hope councilor McPherson was mistaken because, not so long ago, the media was informed that Mr Shaik was facing the possibility of permanent blindness.

And, in case you were wondering, no, Shaik will not be returning to jail.

"Correctional services again wishes to repeat that legally there is no base for raising questions about the decision of medical doctors that have gone through, possibly the most intensive scrutiny to date."

Erm... well... yes, technically we all have a terminal illness: it's called life. I guess it all comes down to your interpretation of 'final stage'.

And finally, a farewell note from Tito Mboweni:

"If you are doing your job, you are bound to be unpopular."

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