The Point is no longer a South African citizen. Neither are you if you live in KwaZulu-Natal, the Eastern, Western or Northern Cape as well as parts of Gauteng and the Free State.

It would seem that we are now at the mercy of the benevolence of a delusional (and, let's admit it, overly-sensitive) monarch. Did I mention that he was found guilty of culpable homicide?

All hail King Buyelekhaya Dalindyebo.

His royal highness (no, no, not Zuma) got his lawyer Votani Majola to "officially cut ties with South Africa" by serving a secession notice on the South African government.

"Votani is working with us. He has done his research. He is not a crazy man and he got his act together," said Dalindyebo's spokesperson Phumla Matshaya.

Erm... is that a royal decree?

THE CLONE WARS

Across the border (I think) in South Africa, the police have launched a nationwide (which pretty much means Limpopo) crackdown on criminal elements in society ? Ben Said and Mpho Lakaje. Ah yes, and also on those so-called criminals who tried to sabotage the World Cup with their 15-minutes of eTV fame.

"Instead of utilising their platform to expose and ensure we apprehend these thugs, they chose an unfortunate stance of glorifying as heroic the acts of these thugs, who show no remorse towards citizens' lives," said Bheki Cele.

He has such a way with words. It is a pity that they correlate only vaguely with reality.

The Police Ministry went on to say: "We therefore appeal to members of society to ignore this footage as it serves to mislead, misinform and compromises the safety of society by these faceless, petty, gun-toting and useless scoundrels."

Here's an intellectual conundrum: if the footage misleads and misinforms, surely it implies that the scoundrels are in fact useless. In which case, in what way do they compromise the safety of society?

The ANC ? forgetting momentarily that boundary between State and party ? gave its reasons why eTV should pull the footage.

"They are also a threat to the stability of South Africa and to each individual citizen of our country and to the democratic order that obtains in the country. It is for these reasons that these criminals and their ill intentions should be arrested," said ANC spokesperson Jackson Mthembu.

Wow. Who would have thought that two petty criminals could threaten the stability of the entire country and bring the democratic order crashing down? Go forth and arrest those ill intentions.

Perhaps the police know something that we don't. Hawks spokesperson Musi Zondi, detailing the progress of the investigation, said: "It is not clear whether there was two or whether he just knew how to replicate himself".

That would be a skill indeed. Kind of like cloning. Soon SA could have an army of fame-seeking criminals on its hands.

STREET FIGHTING

While Nathi Mthethwa battles criminals, ANC top dogs Gwede Mantashe and Tokyo Sexwale battle each other. Be careful Gwede, Tokyo earned that nickname for a reason.

Mantashe, referring to reports that he was falling out of favour as secretary general, said: "We are not going to get into that street fight".

And then he did just that.

"It is very regrettable that some faceless people leaked this unprocessed document to the media for purposes and intentions only known to them? It is unfortunate that Comrade Tokyo Sexwale chose to take on a fight on a non-issue."

Unfortunate indeed. Perhaps even more unfortunate, was Toyko's decision to respond through his special advisor Chris Vick:

"It is unfortunate that Comrade Gwede Mantashe, who is at the centre of this controversy, chooses to trivialise a matter as important as the discussion which is coming before the National Working Committee and eventually the National Executive Committee.

"I can only appeal to him, under the circumstances, to try and maintain his dignity as secretary general of our organisation."

Ouch.

The above exchange is, of course, no indication of any infighting within the ANC. They did, after all, call each other 'comrade'.

Who will come out tops in the tussle between Gwede and Toyko? Vote in the poll at the top of the page...