Real men don't rape

Rape. As someone involved in the media the word is so overused that when you hear about another victim it's sometimes viewed as a small story, something that won't generate much interest.

We are bored with the 2006 statistic that a woman is raped every 17 seconds in South Africa. It's old hat. Even Charlize Theron's anti-rape advert was muted without much outcry.

Returning after being in Britain for an 18-month 'London stint' years ago I didn't feel like this. To me, rape was once again a crime; it represented a sick underside to society, a monstrous capability that lurked inside the heads of people that weren't like me.

And then an article appears last week telling me that Joe Bloggs, one of the next four men I will meet, disagrees with me. Joe thinks that forcing himself on a woman is acceptable. Of course, this article is attached to a headline outlining findings of a small study in two South African provinces, so I take the statistics with more than a pinch of salt.

But if the article is even remotely true, it means that rapists are all around us. They are not trench-coated stalkers that lurk outside women's change rooms. According to a 2007 study in the United States, most rapes happen between people who know one another — normally a husband, boyfriend, father or uncle.

While I'm not trying to create another source of inaccurately quoted statistics, I'm trying to bring it a little closer to home. Non-consensual sex at any time is rape — no matter how much you think the person loves you, what they're wearing or what they've had to drink in the past two hours.

So how does our daily behaviour reinforce to those around us that rape is a terrible crime that should be eradicated from society? We're obviously doing something wrong because it's not working.

To quote Charlize, what are South African men like? Are we a society that tolerates rape as a crime, a crime like any other? Rape is a crime unlike any other. The world will only see what South African men are like by our actions. These actions must: show our shared hurt and compassion for rape victims, educate our communities that rape is not okay and see that rapists take full responsibility and punishment for their crime.

Useful links:
Rape support
South African police stats on rape from 2001/2002 and 2005/ 2006

What do you think South African men could be doing to change SA's rape stats? Share your thoughts below...

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