Few people have been gifted with the art of rhetoric. Barack Obama: yes. Jacob Zuma: not so much. Bheki Cele and Nathi Mthethwa... well, they've been gifted with something else altogether. The Point likes to think of them as the Laurel and Hardy of the political milieu.

The fact that together they represent the might of the South African police force makes it all a little more comic. Tragicomic perhaps, but entertaining all the same.

Following in the comedic footsteps of the chubby-cheeked one, these two crime-busting entertainers have nailed the perfect combination of absurdity, flawed reasoning, and quirkiness.

Who needs TV, really? And I'm not just talking about eTV...

Let me prove my point.

From Bheki Cele (I like to think of him as Hardy): "A friend of a criminal is a criminal. eTV clearly is a crime kisser. They've exposed themselves as such."

Absurdity: this is the national police commissioner.
Flawed reasoning: that would make most of the ANC, including His Royal Highness Msholozi and the previous top cop Jackie criminals... ah, no, wait... scratch that.
Quirkiness: have you ever heard the phrase 'crime kisser'?

And then there's Nathi: "It's not like we jumped into the subpoena (ahem). We were shown one of the fingers, basically."

Hmm... I wonder which finger that was?

"Let us not try and justify this evil deed by eTV," he said at a later stage. "They knowingly protected the criminals. We didn't want the source."

You didn't? I'm pretty sure that's what those pesky subpoenas were all about.

And in case you were worried ? our last police commissioner being a little too friendly (finished and klaar) with a big-shot criminal ? Nathi assures the nation that the police service is not friends with criminals. Except those in government.

"There is nothing friendly between us and the criminals. We are not friends; we are out to get them. We will make them run all the time. That's why we are always tightening the screws. We are preparing the country for any eventuality, whether it be petty crime, whether it is big criminals activities. We will be looking everywhere ? under the stones, everywhere in the air, on the sea."

Under the stones. Everywhere in the air. On the sea.

Well, that goes a long way in explaining the current crime stats.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

On to an individual who we can be fairly certain that the criminal-hating crime-busting duo are not friends with: Winnie Madikizela-Mandela.

Yes, not content to sit quietly at home (or under a stone?) Winnie felt compelled to share her pearls of wisdom.

On ANC infighting: "This is not my ANC, where positions have become so important. The bickering is all about leadership. It's all about positions."

Well, she's right on that score. It's not her ANC: it's Zuma's.

On the potential pardoning of Eugene de Kock: "Some of the children who were groomed by me were killed by De Kock. Some of the young cadres who were groomed by me were killed by De Kock."

Two words: Stompie Seipei.

MONEY DOES GROW ON TREES

And because this week's column is all about South Africa's comedic politicians, a few juicy quotes from He Who Shall Not Be Named. Go on, admit it, you've missed Malemamunchkin.

"They do not participate in anything that is of national importance; they do not observe national days; they do not support national initiatives... they do not care about the development of this country; they are forever obsessed with whether they are going to be attacked or robbed."

A gold mine for the reader who can guess who 'they' are!

Yip, young Juju is all about dishing out national resources.

"We need extra income. Where is this? It is beneath the soil of South Africa ? that is where we can get the money."

And you believed your old mum when she told you that money didn't grow on trees.

Finally, proof that the youth leader believes he is part of the government. And that he doesn't pay taxes.

"We do not pay tax, because we are government, but Anglo Platinum must still pay tax after declaring dividends with us."

Words, really, are not enough.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Lest you were about to embark on a bitter diatribe about the limited understanding of the ANC's illustrious youth leader, consider this alternative:

"We are saying to hell with the SA Constitution for giving rights to gays and lesbians. Homosexuality is totally immoral and there is no place for gays and lesbians here. Gays and lesbians in Africa are confused people who have been mentally colonised by Western imperialists who make them abandon their own cultures," said Ptiso Mphasha.

That's what the Pan African Congress has to offer. Same words, different order.

Did you miss last week's column from The Point? Check it out here.

The Point invites you to vote in the poll at the top of the page: Who is South Africa's most entertaining politician?