South Africa's Olympic Committee has apologised for the country's appalling showing at the Beijing games, but says it is hopeful that it has identified the root of the problem. In a statement released this morning the committee said that it was "looking increasingly likely" that it had accidentally sent a team of ornithologists instead of athletes to Beijing.

The error was discovered yesterday morning when swimmer Elmarie Potgieter, 19, dived off the starting blocks in the Water Cube and sank to the bottom of the pool. Shocked marshals managed to manoeuvre her to the surface with a leaf skimmer, and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was applied.

Upon regaining consciousness Ms Potgieter explained that she was not a confident swimmer and had never before dived into an Olympic-size swimming pool.

"We've got a Porta-Pool at home in Bloemfontein," she told journalists, adding that her specific swimming skills included "making whirlpools, doing handstands, and using my toes to rub algae off the walls".

She conceded that "going moerse fast in a straight line" was not her strength, but added that she remained extremely committed to winning a medal for South Africa, escpecially in the one-metre whirlpool and freestyle handstand events.

Hasty investigations by the SA Olympic Committee revealed that Potgieter is completing a PhD in ornithology at the University of the Free State, and is not a world-class breaststroke swimmer as previously hoped.

This morning committee chairperson Golden Takkies Mpundu conceded that an error had been made, and that a squad of ornithologists had been sent to the Olympics instead of athletes.

However, he added, it was important not to point fingers but to take immediate action, "to salvage our dignity, and, in some cases, prevent deaths".

He would not elaborate, but it is believed he was referring to veteran East London birdwatcher Auntie Gloria Fielies, 73, who has been entered into the Men's Sabre discipline in the fencing event, scheduled for Sunday morning.

Her next of kin has not yet been informed.

Meanwhile, it has also been revealed that the South African men's hockey team that was thrashed 10-0 by Australia was in fact a party of male nurses from Durban who were in Beijing on a training course.

According to doctors, the nurses are in good spirits and should be out of traction by November.

For more from SA's best satirical website, www.hayibo.com, please click here.

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