After the recent hullabaloo surrounding the lavish spending (of taxpayers' money, no less) on luxury government cars by Cabinet members, we decided to play matchmaker, pairing ministers with their perfect vehicles.

The vast majority of our ministers certainly have no problem splashing the cash on their government 'run-abouts'. In fact, they appear to insist on getting around in style...

In reality, Blade Nzimande has a BMW 730i, Nathi Mthethwa a couple of BMW X5s and Naledi Pandor pair of Mercedes-Benz ML350s. But in our world, things are a little different.

We reveal the vehicles government should have issued.

Sorry Angie, no Range Rover Sport (or BMW 730D, for that matter) for you...

Blade Nzimande


Title: Minister of Higher Education
Vehicle: 2000 Lada Niva 1.7i Sidekick 4x4 (in red, of course)
Optional extras: Absolutely nothing
Details: The general-secretary of the South African Communist Party would surely appreciate one of the more famous car brands (known for its unpretentious functionality) to come out of Russia. Blade could probably pick one up for a mere R30 000, which would ensure he "does not appear insensitive to the needs of the people".

Jeff Radebe

Title: Minister of Justice
Vehicle: Judge Nkola Motata's gold Jaguar
Standard with: Whisky stains and fragments of Richard Baird's vibracrete wall
Details: Sorry Jeff, no justice here!

Angie Motshekga

Title: Minister of Basic Education
Vehicle: 1972 VW Camper, 3-litre V6
Optional extras: Full kitchen conversion, including fridge, stove, TV, basin, pots, pans, cutlery, crockery and bed
Details: This classic has plenty of space for our Angie, with all the extras for a quick meal on the road. It could also double as school bus...

Lindiwe Sisulu

Title: Minister of Defence and Military Veterans
Vehicle: 2008 Hummer H2
Optional extras: Tinted windows, bullet-proof glass
Details: If Lindiwe has a decent look around, she could probably find a fair example of the military-inspired Hummer for somewhere around R1-million, which would be a fair saving compared to the spending of some of our other beloved ministers. And the optional bullet-proof glass could prove useful during violent protests by those pesky soldiers...

Naledi Pandor

Title: Minister of Science and Technology
Vehicle: 1954 Cadillac Eldorado V8 convertible
Optional extras: A Julius Malema-sized baby seat in the back
Details: The ANCYL president's (rather inaccurate) description of Pandor's accent as "fake American" got us thinking... what's more American than a Cadillac Eldorado? You could even fit Malema's Smart Car in the boot...

Check out page two for what Gordhan, Motsoaledi, Mthethwa, Hogan, Sexwale and Ndebele should be driving!