Question: How do you know a politician is lying?
Answer: His or her lips are moving.

Okay, okay? it's old, it's lame, and you've heard it before. But it's still pretty good right? Yip, this year we have been treated to some spectacular political whoppers. And I'm not just talking about your run-of-the-mill 'vote for us and we'll give you free homes' political truth-bending. Oh no, I'm talking about downright lies.

First up: the man of the moment and he who sparked this little exercise in truth-auditing, Leonard Chuene.

An error of judgment

"I now realise that it was an error of judgment and I would like to apologise unconditionally. As president of ASA, I will not, however, apologise for allowing Caster Semenya to run or for protecting her privacy."

Chuene's creative use of the word 'unconditionally' aside, there is much about this apology that requires attention. To set the record straight: he is not apologising for letting Semenya run despite knowing full well that it was against her best wishes, nor is he apologising for the privacy-violating media circus which followed. So, basically, all he is apologising for is lying.

And what a lie he told.

He categorically denied that tests were conducted on Semenya in South Africa. He categorically denied authorising and paying for such tests. He even pulled the race card blaming ASA and white South African citizens.

"These are? the same people who bring black people down and the same people who refuse to believe that Africans can make it on the world stage."

This was not an "error of judgment". An error of judgment would have been failing to conduct the required tests in South Africa. An error of judgment would have been entering Semenya in the race despite advice to the contrary. This was a big fat whopping lie!

Lie rating:

What shall we do with the drunken judge?

Another high-profile South African was (finally) busted for taking liberties with the truth this September ? the honourable Judge Nkola Motata. Yes, he who is supposed to uphold the laws of the land.

Motata was found guilty of driving drunk and smashing through the wall of a residential property. In his defence he pleaded not guilty, claiming that he did not drive under the influence of liquor at all. In fact, in a statement he made to the Sunday Times in 2006, Motata claimed:

"I wasn't drunk at all? I had been with one of my colleagues earlier that night drinking tea."

Tea. Hmm? most teenagers could come up with a better lie. Cough mixture? Mouthwash? Perfume?

It's bad enough that he was caught driving drunk; for a judge to be caught lying, makes a mockery of the justice system.

Close contender: Judge President John Hlophe comes in a close second for Lying Judge of the Year, and only because there's no actual proof that he pulled a sickie to get out of his JSC hearing. He did, however, claim that he was 'lynched' by the Constitutional Court judges. A claim that ? by the very fact of his existence ? cannot possibly be true.

Lie rating:

Is that Doctor Niehaus?

Like Leonard Chuene, Carl Niehaus finally owned up to his indiscretions when it became blatantly obvious that he was about to be exposed as a scurrilous liar.

"I have been mortified that I allowed myself to even think along those lines and allowed that to happen for that short time that I did."

I think that what then-ANC-spokesperson Carl Niehaus was referring to with this particular apology were the many cases of fraud in which he had been implicated. However, we could probably just use it as a blanket apology and apply it to the work of fiction that was Mr Niehaus's CV.

In 2008, Niehaus claimed in an interview that he was a doctor: "It does not really matter, but it is doctor." As it turns out, it does really matter; particularly if you are not actually a doctor. Yip, among the many falsehoods littering Niehaus's CV were claims that:

• he attained a doctor's degree in theology at the University of Utrecht


• he graduated with a BA (summa cum laude) from the University of Witwatersrand

Perhaps if Mr Niehaus had spent a little more time acquiring an education and a little less fabricating one, he would have learnt the difference between embellishing the truth and, well? just making stuff up. It is somewhat ironic that the doctorate he claimed to have earned was in theology.

Lie rating:

If a president lies?

While we're on the topic of morality, here's an ethical brain-twister: if the president lies, is it still a lie? The answer: yes? but it doesn't count.

Zuma's official truth-bender? uh lawyer? Michael Hulley recently claimed that JZ was above the law as long as he is president. If he is above the law, I guess we can safely assume he is also above the niceties of truth-telling. Besides which, everyone knew Bill Clinton was lying and, well, few people cared.

Now, Zuma's lie ? whilst not of the 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman' magnitude ? does nevertheless cut to the heart of race-relations in South Africa.

In August he said: "We have never looked at things in terms of race and ethnicity but, rather, in terms of people being South Africans. The fact of the matter is the ANC does not look at things from a race point of view."

Yes, lofty ideals. But also an outright lie (albeit a white one), because in the pre-election campaign frenzy, Zuma was on record saying this:

"Of all the white groups that are in South Africa, it is only the Afrikaners that are truly South Africans in the true sense of the word. Up to this day, they don't carry two passports, they carry one. They are here to stay. It is the only white tribe in a black continent or outside of Europe which is truly African, the Afrikaner."

Ahem? liar, liar, your pants are on fire.

Lie watch: although I would like to put this one down to robust optimism, rather than intentional misdirection, Zuma's claim that the government will create 500 000 news jobs by the end of the year is looking increasingly unlikely, especially if you factor in the fact that 600 000 South Africans have already lost their jobs this year.

Lie rating:

Who has Rebekah overlooked? Share your thoughts on those suffering from Burning Pants Syndrome below? or vote in our poll!