Former senior police officer Marius van der Westhuizen cried uncontrollably in the Cape Town High Court on Tuesday when asked by defence attorney Milton de la Harpe why he shot his three children.

He replied: "That is the most difficult question, and I am unable to answer it. I don't know why I shot them."

He told the court he wished for a miracle that they would come back from the dead each time he visited their grave.

Van der Westhuizen said he visited the cemetery each week, or at least every second week, and sometimes even three times a week, depending on his emotional state.

De la Harpe asked if he shot the children to punish his wife, Charlotte.

"No, I loved her too much and still do love her. I am so sorry that I did it, but I loved her too much to have shot the children to punish her."

De la Harpe asked why he had pleaded guilty to the three murders at the commencement of the trial.

"I did so due to the psychiatric reports. I did not want to waste the court's time. I did not want my family and friends to sit through this trauma. I pleaded guilty because I feel I am guilty," Van der Westhuizen said.

De la Harpe asked how he saw his future.

Van der Westhuizen said he was frightened and uncertain.

"I have no future. The children are gone forever, and nothing can bring them back again. Whatever happens to me, nothing will bring my children back again."

Van der Westhuizen said he had invited close friends, Reino Joubert and his wife, for a braai that would have taken place at his home on the Sunday after the incident.

He said he was outside in the cold after the alleged incident, feeling ice-cold, when he phoned the Joubert couple to cancel the braai.

He told the court: "I told Reino that I am going to shoot myself because I don't want to live anymore and that I thought I had killed my children also."

Van der Westhuizen said he had also telephoned his mother to say he had killed the children and that he was going to shoot himself as well.

The hearing continues.

Sapa